Puff and Drinks
Podcast for cigars, conversation and drinks
Puff and Drinks
Why the Spark Fades—and How to Relight It: Sex, Expectations, and Growing Together - Ep. 16
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Listen to our full podcastEver notice how the honeymoon energy can morph into eye rolls and calendar invites? We go straight at the uncomfortable middle: when early joy turns into daily audits, when sex drifts from spontaneous to scheduled, and when “change” starts to sound like criticism instead of care. With humor and honesty, we look at why attraction cools, how resentment takes root, and what both partners can do to move from stalemate to spark.
We dig into expectation drift—how small quirks become big triggers—and the quiet tax of routines, chores, and stress. We ask blunt questions about satisfaction and communication: Are you meeting needs? Is your partner? We get practical about biology and psychology, exploring why desire slows, how to rebuild it with curiosity, and why playfulness and novelty (yes, even roleplay) can restore polarity. Along the way, we unpack cohabitation friction, the mental load, and the difference between sex as medicine and sex as connection—arguing there’s room for both when respect leads.
What emerges is a simple, demanding recipe: own your column, invite reciprocal growth, and replace outcome pressure with process skill. Try one new thing each week, debrief with kindness, and protect time for intimacy without turning it into a chore. We close with laughs—a factory smoke, a Mosten Golden—and a sincere reminder that reciprocity isn’t about keeping score, it’s about keeping rhythm. If you’ve felt the spark dim or the vibe turn brittle, this conversation offers grounded moves to rediscover ease, affection, and heat.
If this resonated, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a nudge, and leave a quick review—what’s one small change that reignited connection for you?
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Cue music.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Q Love:Hey, Buff and Drink family. Welcome to another nice Friday. Again, we have a doozy of a topic again.
Byron B:Oh man, last week was man, it was uh steamy sweater.
Q Love:This one, you know, damn our buddy Jimmy ain't here, so we gotta put it on him. You're gonna put it on him. Okay, okay. Well, I'm riding the Q Love throwing it over to hey on Byron B.
Byron B:And today's pairing, we're having a I'm gonna go cheap with it. Okay, it's a factory smoke with a most and golden beer. And cheap and cheap, but delicious.
Dennis Cotton:Most and golden beer. Yeah, most and golden from candy duh, is that right?
Byron B:Uh candy dah. From candy. Yeah, from candy. Canadia. Yeah.
Dennis Cotton:Our friends up north. We're sorry about what Trump's been saying. Yeah. Way sorry. Yeah. But who we got talking now? Oh, Deniselle Cotton, aka D L C. D L C D L to the C. Yeah.
Byron B:Okay. All right. All right.
Q Love:Well, gang. I love these Fridays. I love these Fridays. You know, yes, I look forward to these Fridays. I raced here.
Dennis Cotton:Dude, when I thought it wasn't gonna happen, I I I was I'm not gonna lie, I was like, oh no.
Q Love:Well, we're gonna make it happen, Captain. Make it happen, Captain. All right. Well, gang. From last episode, I assume we're all living in each other's car or something like that. Yeah, yeah. This one ain't gonna be much better. Here we go. Okay, come on, spit it out. Come on. Again, Jimmy asked me this question. All right, yeah, all right. And the question is, why is it in the beginning of the relationship? Our women are just mad, happy to see us, mad, happy to please us, mad, happy at everything, but now they just freaking mad. Oh my god, they mad at our presence, they mad. We are the cause of cancer, world famine, everything else. But when they met us, we were angelic. We could do no wrong. We couldn't now we snore like bears, we snore like tigers, our feet stank. Oh my god, we can't do anything, right? Okay, but yet still we're supposed to know what they want.
Byron B:I hate Jimmy bringing up these topics. God damn Jimmy. Oh my goodness, man.
Dennis Cotton:All right.
Byron B:Oh wow.
Dennis Cotton:I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna leave.
Q Love:I'm gonna stay. Yeah. Well, we might as well. Hey, let's see that three bedroom. Okay, I got the top book, man. All right. Oh yeah. Oh wow.
Byron B:Yeah, so that's a touchy situation. All right. All right. So basically, you're saying, why is it the things they did to get us is not still going on?
Q Love:I have something even better than that. Okay. When they initially stepped to us, especially in the early early days, we didn't have what we have now. Right, right. We weren't as cultured as we are now, right? To a degree. With our fine glasses. Okay. In fact, I know I was in a shitty situation. But all of a sudden, I was like an angelic individual. Okay. But now, you know, it's like on some days, mud has more value than me. Oh my goodness. Come on, bro. Come on, my good man. My good man.
Dennis Cotton:Oh, oh, please. Maybe I will leave. Damn it.
Q Love:It depends on the day.
Byron B:Hey, you gotta hold that church finger up. I'll be back.
Q Love:Pink slime has more value than me on some days. Oh. Alright, all right. And that's you know, that's on a rather normal day. I I picked up a Sam's Club order on time. All right. Yeah. I mean, I know that don't happen to you, fine gentlemen.
Byron B:No, no. But I've heard it happening to you. Yeah, I've heard it. I've heard it happening to people. And I what did I say to them? I I said. So what did you do? Okay. Fair question. What did you do? I mean, okay. Did you try correcting the stinky feet? Did you try to stop snoring? Or did you just do it because hey, that's me. And I'm not gonna change. And I'm not gonna change.
Q Love:But that wasn't a problem before. Yeah. Ah, good point. Yeah. Them stinky feet, boy. Oh my god. All right. I mean, and I'm I'm up for washing with stinky feet. I'm up for all right. Okay. But even when you did that, you don't get what you got back then. Oh my god.
Dennis Cotton:All right. I if I may, I would I would like to take a stab at this. Stab. Please do sir. I'm I'm thinking that you know when she first landed Tongo, she was thinking, oh yeah, I love this guy. He's got some flaws. Right. Right. Right. You know, them stanky feet. Well, they're not that bad, but I'm gonna change that. Okay. He's gonna be wearing Argyle socks, and he's gonna spray his feet every day. He's gonna make sure he put his dirty underwear in the laundry basket, not on the floor. Several 10 years later, it didn't work. It didn't work. It didn't work. He's still leaving the drones on the floor. And now you invested. Yeah. And the feet still stank just as much, if not worse.
Byron B:Yeah, yeah.
Dennis Cotton:She failed.
Byron B:Well, and now he's making a hundred and fifty thousand a year. So she's gonna stick with him, but she might not be happy.
Q Love:Yeah. Well, but now again, I'm gonna throw a caveat in there. Okay. Yet again, damn Jimmy. Damn that, Jimmy.
Dennis Cotton:Damn that Jimmy.
Q Love:So, so now, granted, we already approached the fact that, yeah, we're not perfect, yada yada, yada. You knew that walking in. Right, right. But she's not perfect either. And mention one thing that they do wrong.
Dennis Cotton:Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Q Love:So the criticism that they give us, we can't give a sliver of correction to them. No. So let's just say, hypothetically speaking, you make a Siri correction. Baby, turn left. It's a quicker route to get there. Right. You're gonna catch here all day. Oh shit. Siri just went.
Byron B:You can't say nothing with an S. She's gonna come alive. Yeah, that's uh wow. Man, you picked the hard one. Yeah. Well, no, I'm sorry, Jimmy picked the hard one. Jimmy picked the hard one. Jimmy picked the hard one. Yeah.
Q Love:And and let's just while we out here, how difficult was it to have unbridled sexual encounters? Where she walked in the room and it was on and popping. Okay. Now she walked in the room and you she walk into the other room and you oh my god and you don't see man.
Byron B:All right. All right. Look, look, look now now. What he has to say about that, man. Um I have to I I have to mention this. Okay, go ahead. Um, this is the old guy I used to work with. Okay, okay. This was I was when I was in my 20s, and he said, I'm happy as shit, and everything. He'd be like, hey young man, see like you're happy. I'm like, yeah, I am happy and everything. He said, hey, I just want you, and I'm not trying to deter you anything, but I just want you to realize it's not always gonna be that way, right? Okay, the sexual performance is not always gonna be that way. So when you get older and it slow down, don't get upset. Oh, yeah. He said, This is what I want you to do. Starting on January 1st, I want you to take a jar, and every time you have sex, you drop a penny in it. You drop a penny every time you had a sex for that whole year. The next January, I want you to transfer a penny out that jar into another jar every time you have sex. And he says, the older you get, the less pennies you're gonna start to have. He said, I'm not trying to deter you, I just want to give you some reality. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, No, man, I'm not about to do that, man. And you know, I'm not gonna do that, you know. But the point he was trying to get to was don't be deterred when it slows down, yeah. Right, right, because it is it's gonna happen.
Dennis Cotton:It's gonna slow down, but it's gonna happen. Well, you know what, you know what? I'm not gonna say slow down, I'm gonna say it's gonna level off.
Q Love:Okay, no, it's gonna slow down.
Dennis Cotton:Okay, I I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried, y'all. I tried, yeah. But you know what? It also slows down for women, yes.
Byron B:Oh, yeah, yes, yeah, and and men too, right?
Dennis Cotton:Yeah, so we we both have our but it's the flaws, right? Right, right. But but it's it's it's our job. Well, you know what? No, I got I gotta go with my first thought. It it is our job or or our responsibility to do what we can to keep the fires burning, yeah.
Q Love:But you gotta have somebody on the other end fanning that fire helping you. I yeah, I agree with you. So sometimes, and again, at one time you could walk in, it took nothing but an empty room and an opportunity. Yeah, now I gotta make reservations, I gotta fly plane, I gotta do all of this, and then it's a maybe. It's maybe okay.
Dennis Cotton:All right, so let's let's let's have a heart-to-heart straight up conversation. So are you satisfying her? Are you bringing her to orgasm? Good question.
Byron B:Oh wow, he just jumped right on.
Dennis Cotton:Now, now I'm not gonna say it can happen every single time, but bottom line is is she getting that orgasm at least, I don't know, once a month or whatever. If so, then congratulations. Well, you you gotta get it to give that orgasm. That's true, yeah. But at some okay, all right, let me let's let me get to you.
Q Love:But as at some point, but at some point going from your drink, it's like I I gotta be invited to the party in order to participate in the game, but it but at some point something happened, right?
Dennis Cotton:At some point, something happened. Either either one, you you know, the man stopped being able to deliver that orgasm to her, or two, uh changing her biological clock, or or both, right? You gotta ask, you gotta ascertain, uh assuming that I'm right, and I think I am, right? You gotta ascertain what the problem is, and it's gotta be one of those two or three things, right?
Byron B:So I'm kind of piggybacking off what Riley say, as long as we're both trying, yeah, we're both trying, okay. It shouldn't be a problem, right? You know what I'm saying? Right. But when when one's continue to try and the other has just given up, yeah, how what you gonna do? What you gonna do?
Q Love:What you don't do, okay. How does that make you feel?
Dennis Cotton:So who's so who's more because you know women are more emotional?
Q Love:Well, but at the same token, too, I don't want somebody to do it just to shut me up.
Dennis Cotton:Well, that's admirable of you, sir.
Q Love:I mean, where's the comparison exactly? Oh shit, just stick it in and get over. You're happy now, Leroy. Then they put on a that big ass nightgown and go back to bed.
Byron B:Wait, as long as she now went in panties with the nightgown, I'm fine with it.
Q Love:But I kind of at least I feel vulnerable. You feel used? Oh shit. Just don't give it to me. Shut me up.
Dennis Cotton:You know, that's a problem.
Q Love:Then I want you to come in, like you know, once a month, and we ain't gotta do it any day, but dress up like storm sometimes. Okay, fly through the ceiling. Okay, all right, with a lightning boat. I know I'm imagining, yeah, yeah.
Byron B:He liked the role play. He likes to role play. Well, it's obvious from the scenario, right?
Q Love:Right. Oh my gosh. So I mean damn that Jimmy, damn Jimmy, oh this is all Jimmy's fault, Jimmy. Yeah, it's all Jimmy's fault.
Dennis Cotton:Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Byron B:That is crazy though. It is now you said a few seconds ago, a few minutes ago, were you giving them that orgasm in the beginning and everything? Are you still giving the orgasm? Okay, so what if you are you're still giving them the orgasm, but it's not working.
Dennis Cotton:Then it's on her. If you if if she well, hold on, wait, wait. See, I I I it seems to me that one, I mean, if she's having that orgasm, yeah, she's gotta be experiencing some sort of euphoria, some sort of happiness, some sort of whatever. I mean, if you're having that orgasm and you like you know, upset, angry, bitchy, blah blah blah, then there's a problem, a psychological problem.
Byron B:Right, yeah, okay, okay, okay, all right.
Dennis Cotton:Man, this is scary.
Speaker 3:Man, look at the water.
Byron B:So I I we all change, yes, right. We we're constantly changing. Yes, we are. Okay, so you can't go into a relationship and stay in a relationship like look, I've been doing what I've been doing from day one. No, you probably haven't. You probably haven't. Some things maybe, but not all things, right? Okay, because I'm gonna say again, I've been married 32 years. Okay, congratulations. We grew together, learning together, parenting together. So she was 22, I was 24. Okay, that's a song. Yeah, 22.
Q Love:She was only 16.
Byron B:Oh, but so we we we experience everything together, you know what I'm saying? When you have other experiences where they're not even ready to get married until they're in their 30s, yeah. Now, to me, from my experience talking to people and everything, when you get into your 30s, now you're setting your ways. This other person's setting their ways, and it's harder for you to come together.
Q Love:Yeah, agreed. My first marriage was when I was in my 30s, and that was a shit show of uh experience.
Byron B:Yeah, so yeah, when you grow together as young adults, it tends to for me gel better.
Dennis Cotton:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Byron B:Yeah, I mean, you can still change, right?
Dennis Cotton:It's hard, but it's it is yeah, absolutely. It's harder, but not impossible, right?
Byron B:And this is one thing that I always say, uh, and I tell other people I think you should actually live together before you decide to get married. Oh my god, I wouldn't. Oh my gosh, I know it goes against you know some people's religion and things like that, but you never know, yeah, that that cold feet could change your damn life.
Dennis Cotton:Yeah, when when when a certain when a certain person, when a certain person watches this show, yeah, she's gonna like she like gunsmoke too. Oh Lord, yeah, it could change your life, man. Yeah, wow, that's interesting.
Byron B:That you that that is somewhat profound, yeah, that you said that, you know, it and not only that, the toilet sheet up, the toilet sheet down, yeah, yeah, yeah. Little intricacies like just the little stuff makes a difference, yeah. You know, can change a whole person's attitude.
Dennis Cotton:Yes, it can.
Q Love:You know, yeah, I gotta admit, I I love a clean kitchen and I like bills paid. Yeah, yeah. If that ain't happening, my mood is jacked.
Byron B:Man, yes, I understand, I understand. So, yeah, but back to the sex. Back to my sex. Oh, well, here we go. All right, back to the drink.
Q Love:Now, and and and again, I can only speak for most men, but I most men, but now all right, here we go. Is twice a month, okay. Fuck it. A month and a half. That's I mean, goddamn, I'm willing to negotiate, but is it that hard to just get buck wild? I mean, look, let me I understand if you're in pain or something, you can take Anderson or something. Man, just just report for duty, right? Report for duty.
Byron B:Studies have shown look now. This is look, now this is not me. Studies have shown a male and and female having sex twice a week helps fight off prostate cancer. Sounds good to me. Hey, Marvin Gaye hit the nail on the head when he's talked about sexual healing. Yeah, sex heals a lot of things, it takes care of anxiety. Yes, it does, insomnia, yeah. Okay, and a lot of people, well, I'm gonna say a lot of females don't want to believe that because, like, oh, you just want to have sex. No, I want to live, right? Right, right, right. You know, I want to having sex twice a week makes you live longer. I want to live, you know what I'm saying? Hey, it's not it's hey, hey, look it up, don't believe me. No, look it up, okay. Look it up. The these sex therapists will tell you, and they put it out there that sex actually heals. Sex actually will cure the common cold. Now that's a stretch, but I'll go with it.
Q Love:No, I'm telling you. Hey, I'll go with it. I feel healthier when I get some. I feel better.
Dennis Cotton:So I can breathe better.
Q Love:Uh I can sleep better.
Dennis Cotton:Yeah, I get it. So we're we're taking so uh so all of a sudden, sex is about medicine. Take away the romance, take away the the natural, yeah, horny desires. It's all about medicinal purpose.
Q Love:No, no, no. I I retort back to what I was saying. I don't want you to just give it to me just because I'm bitching and whining. Right, right, right, right. Oh my god, right, you know, you're like these two getting shakes. All right, Downey. My friend gets shaky. Oh yeah, yes, well, okay.
Dennis Cotton:All right, damn that Jimmy. Where the hell is he?
Q Love:Right, right, damn Jimmy.
Byron B:Oh, yeah. So it in a nutshell, what we give, we want back. Of course. Okay, I want to love you. I want you to love me. Touche. Okay, I want to sex you, I want you to sex me. Yes, that's that's all a man wants, right? Right, you know what I'm saying, and occasional Dagwood sandwich.
Q Love:Dude, I'm even willing, I can make my own goddamn sandwich. I just need some. That's it. Okay, just just give it to me like you like it, but okay, wait, like you like it.
Dennis Cotton:So, are you okay? All right, so are you saying that all right, women get to a point in their lives where they just flat out don't want it? Do are they making a conscious decision that I don't want it right now?
Q Love:Do given the way it used to be, uh-huh, where there was no limit to it, right? Right, right. You could walk in the room and trip and fall in it, right? Right.
Byron B:You get it on and you get it by get it by mistake. Now you get it on, then you get on purpose now.
Q Love:Now then it goes to how do you feel like it? Uh uh appointment, Google Calendar, yeah, right. And then it find and out of all else fails. Look, do you want it or not? Come on, come on, yeah, yeah. You know, and then finally, when they say, All right, uh, just get it over with.
Dennis Cotton:It's like, uh, yeah, that's kind of that's kind of sad right there.
Byron B:Oh, okay. Oh, you I changed my mind. Hey, you know, it's funny. I ran across guys, yeah. Yeah, listen to Bernie Mac comedy. Oh, yeah, and then it was one skit where he was like, All right, babe, look, we're gonna do this. Hurry up, bust nut so I can go to sleep. And I'm like, I ran across guys like that, they just don't want to do it, yeah, but the girl wants to do it, yeah, and the girl 20 years younger than him.
Q Love:Hey, and match that energy, and you don't want to have a heart attack if you want.
Byron B:So he just he just hurried up and did it so he can go to sleep. Wow, yeah. So I'm like, yeah, hey, that that's not me.
Dennis Cotton:Yeah, that ain't me either. Well, gang, uh well, another another wait, wait.
Byron B:Let me talk about this parent. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. So, uh, real quick, Monday, you know, after cutting grass and everything, I really didn't have much in the house, but I had my factory smokes, uh-huh, and I had so most and golden. Okay. Reason the most and golden was in the house because I'd buy it for this guy over here. That's a good beer. So I didn't have any of my beer.
Q Love:Better than the same eyes we used to drink.
Byron B:Oh, yes. Oh, yes. You used to drink this. Oh my goodness, man. He took me to uh that's another story. That's another story, man. Saint Eyes and Champagne. We was drinking. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I had a factory smoke, and I had most and golden. I'm sitting out back, sweating, had some of that cold beer, let that factory smoke. I was fulfilled with happiness. Ah, I was like, wow, this is uh this is pretty good. And I don't know if it was the cold beer or it was just the the fact good factory smoke that I was having, but I was pretty impressed with myself and the grass. Well, there you go, brother. Yeah, brother.
Q Love:Well, I gotta admit, man, when I drink that most and I don't do much of shit anyway, but when I drink that most and I sit in my garage, right? I I'm happy as well. Hell she's okay.
Byron B:So it was the most and golden. Yes, it was. So it's okay. Oh, I'm gonna have to test that theory. I'm gonna have another cigar with the most and golden and see how it makes me feel. There you go. All right, okay.
Q Love:Well, gang. Listen, we'll probably all be in the same one or two bedroom apartment on the next episode.
Byron B:Yeah, next episode, you know. All of us are gonna have beards and everything.
Q Love:And we'll have a GoFundMe.
Byron B:Yeah, yeah.
Q Love:You know, we'll set it up. So, you know, I mean, hey, be kind to us, but you know, again, gang, we're gonna be in different spots. Please visit our website, please check us out. As you can see, we're funny as hell, yeah. But we're also down there, brothers. That um we try to be funny as hell, right? But we all have real life concerns. I won't even say problems. We have concerns and questions that you know we like to bounce off of everyone, either on an environment like this, or you can come to the bar and bitch at us. We you know, right, right, right.
Dennis Cotton:But you know, hey, just let us start drinking first.
Q Love:So we gotta do some drinking, but gang, I'm riding the Q Love, and I am Byron B, Denizel Cotton, DLC, and gang, we love you guys, and we want you to follow, share, and holler back at us. We're gonna toast out with whatever we got left, gang deuces, all right.
